Emu considers Emu remarkably self aware. Emu can explain exactly why someone else's relationship is failing, then send "you up?" to the person Emu spent yesterday advising everyone to avoid.

Dating, friendship, sex, getting older, work, money, social obligations and the effort of dealing with other people. The best posts catch Emu giving the game away.

Not Emused.

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I said I needed space. I didn't say enjoy yourself in it. I give excellent relationship advice. Obviously, I've never used it. I said I wanted something casual. They booked a table and asked about my childhood. How dare they take an interest. I'm not the jealous type. I just know when they were last online. Both of them. I don't do the morning after. Then they made me coffee. It's been three weeks. My date said I was a lot. Then asked if I was free Thursday. Correct on both counts. They asked where I see myself in five years. I said not in this meeting. They wrote it down as a goal. My financial plan is to be so charming nobody lets me pay. It's gone badly for eleven years. A good night now is home by ten and someone disappointed about it. I said we should catch up. They opened their diary. Nobody warned me people mean it. Saw my ex today. I said "you look well." I meant "how dare you." I don't need anyone. I'd just like someone to notice that, and ask how it's going.